She's Not There

Ashleen walked across the school grounds, her footsteps breaking the silence that only early morning could cause with sharp crisp cracks as her sudden weight broke the iced snow. The sun was just beginning to peak through the horizon, fight off the darkness with its friendly glow.

It was cold - bitterly so. The wind was biting at her skin, making it raw and red. Normally she wouldn't dream of being out at this hour - in this temperature at any hour - except for one person... well animal.

Heaven barked as she ran ahead of the girl, before circling back and wagging her tail, flashing Ash an eager look.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, " she grumbled as a slight smile began to tug at her lips, "You're lucky we're even out here missy. Don't go pushing you're luck - I should be in bed."

The truth of the matter was, she hadn't been able to sleep. She hadn't been able to sleep properly for the past few nights, always awaking from peculiar dreams that she couldn't remember upon later reflection. Or more specifically, she didn't let herself remember.

Maybe if she had let herself remember the dreams she wouldn't have been so caught off guard when -

The girls footsteps halted in midair, as she jolted, froze as if she had been struck with something. In truth, although anyone watching would see nothing, that was always what it was like - being clubbed over the head, or stuck in a vat of ice water. Shocking, jarring.

And completely unwanted.

The early morning light, the snow, the school grounds, Heaven all vanished as strings of images - even sounds - that didn't make sense replaced them. She saw something that looked gold... no-no perhaps it was yellow flash violently suddenly to black, a bright light, so bright she felt wanted to avert her gaze, but it was like she had no gaze to move, to control, flashed a couple times before blinking out completely, and in the darkness she heard strings of voices, some she recognized, some that were... they were saying.. a name a... one she thought she knew...

It wasn't the sights or the noises she cared about so much; it was the-the... oh god, her whole body suddenly ached. She was so tired; it was suddenly an effort to pick up her head. She felt like she was going to die... she almost wanted to die, just to make it all go away. Only she knew she couldn't just leave.. leave... him... them? Who's him? Them? Ash didn't know, she didn't want to care and yet-
With the darkness those emotions, that pain stopped, but one that was possibly worse replaced it... she suddenly felt... felt as if someone had taken her heart out of her chest and stomped on it. No not stomped on it... obliterated it, attacked it with a crutio, tortured it before allowing it to be blown to bits. Yet somehow it kept beating. She let out a strangle sob, although she wasn't aware of doing so, she wasn't aware of anything she was doing in the real world - she was lost, stuck in...

A bark brought her back. Blinking, hands and arms shaking, Ash found herself looking at one of the cliffs around the castle. She stumbled towards it, wobbling slightly before she felt a gentle tug on the tail of her coat, and allowed Heaven to pull her back, her shaking legs collapsed and she fell into the cold snow, not even aware of it melting as seeping into her clothes.

Her whole body shook as she gasped for air, shoulders shaking with sobs that she wasn't aware she was making. Tears were running out of her eyes, freezing to her face in the cold weather, her eyelashes were coated in a thin layer of ice, making them sparkle in the light, which was quickly getting brighter.

Slowly words began to be audible between her wheezing breaths. More specifically one word repeated over and over as her shaking slowly evolved into rocking. She was quickly folding in on herself.

"No," she sobbed softly, her head shaking, her hair sprawling around her. "No.no.no.no."

She didn't want to know. She didn't want to see.

She didn't want it to be happening again.

Funny how whenever she goes out for a midnight walk, she always encounter a relieved friend, or somebody crying. Or in this case, somebody extremely upset, but not yet crying.

She was having troubles falling asleep, she hasn't gotten a decent amount of sleep in six months. It was hard to sleep while somebody tortured you, or your sister. Then after, the memories was too strong, even in her sleep.

"Wanna talk about it?" She asked, leaning against a tree. Her appearance seemed calmed; relaxed. But really, she was concerned. "I won't give lame advice the Healers like to give, you know," It was funny, she kept mentioning those stupid healers quite a bit recently.

Ashleen was barely aware of the other voice as someone came across her, found her in the snow. Her mind was still there..

Wherever there was. She still wasn't completely sure. All the images were getting jumbled together, but she knew one thing.

It was the future and it wasn't pretty.

She shook her head again, her hair spraying around her her.

"No," she mumbled slightly, her usual bravo that she liked to give people completely stripped away. "I don't-don't need advice. I don't need-"

It - she didn't need these stupid flashes in her head. She didn't need.... she didn't need everyone knowing about this.

Her shoulders shrugged, and sighed. "What do you need than? Cuz I ain't gonna walk away, and expect you to be all happy go lucky. And I happen to be a teenager that doesn't have a perfect life, it's pretty bad I guess, so I might be able to understand. Though we all experienced different stuff," She told her, almost in a careless voice. You could detect her concern in her Greek accent, mixed with Russian.

Ash finally looked up at the girl, deep blue eyes hollow, and haunted by images that laws of nature stated she should never have seen.

No one else had to see them. What good was it anyways when nothing ever...

"I don't need these," she mummbled waving at her head like the girl would actually understand what she was talking about. "I don't need this stupid... Visions."

It was so cold outside, too cold, and for a couple of minutes, Tesla calculated if it was even worth of going outside. Still, she knew she had to that spot that she discovered a few days ago, a place that gave her peace, and where the girl could think about everything, calmly and patiently.

Wearing only a jeans jacket over her light, muggle dress, she shivered and ran, tripping every once and again, because she wore her new, a bit too big sneakers.

The brown haired girl wasn't a eavesdropping type, but she couldn't help but to catch a part of someone's conversation. She recognized the blonde from some classes and frowned. The girl didn't look so well, and for a split second, she thought about leaving the two girls alone.

But something wasn't right, and somehow, she couldn't go away.

"Visions?" She asked, momentarily confused. Then it clicked, that this girl was probably a seer, or something similar to that. "Do you have good Visions sometimes?" She asked, sitting by her.

Being her recently freed self, she noticed little things, so she had heard a girl walking up to them, (Though not knowing it was a girl before she looked.)

She simply looked up at her, her wide brown eyes curious. Kait had a recent fondness of not speaking when she needed too, and at this moment, the girl wasn't in need of comfort. However, the Blond was.

"No," Ash muttered to the ground, "Or well, I don't know.. they're all just so damn confusing and-and over-whelming and just-just in my head."

Even in her present state Ash was trained to be aware what was happening. Her head snapped up at the sound of foot step; her red eyes slackened, and then rolled.

"Great, another person to see me in my freakish glory," she muttered. "Come, come, watch my carnival trick; want to see your future? I'm sure I could find it - of course it would probably just be filled with death. Or heart break. Or maybe both? Take you're pick."

She flashed them both a bitter grin.

"Ain't the future just grand."

The red haired girl looked at the her and said nothing, while the blonde from her classes snapped on her, but only for a bit. Tesla thought about leaving, and this time she almost left, but apparently she became kinder than ever in her life, so she stayed.

"I know my future, thank you very much. It's looking even peachier than you think. I didn't want to see your freakish glory, but since I'm already here, I'll stay." There were no words that would make her go away now, she had to be here, it was just meant to be. The wind was telling her so, and she usually tend to listen to it.

"You know, it's all written in the stars. If you know how to read it well, you can find a way to stop it."

"I already know mine too, it is filled with a crazy boyfriend, loyal friends, a drug dealer of a mother, a father who is dead, thank god, and other crazy stuff. I am not afraid of the future, I am just afraid on who I will turn out to be," She told her coldly. "I know enough people who have their own pity party 24/7, don't turn out like them please. Learn how to take advantage of these visions, and how to control them," She continued.

She hated giving people pity, but for some reason she continued to do it. Maybe it was out of loyalty to her friends.

She looked over the two girls very closly. No they were right... she didn't know how but - she could feel....

It didn't feel right - it wouldn't be either of them.

"Well someones dying," she said softly; the imagines... or lack there of, had been confusing but she knew... "I suppose you should both be glad it isn't you."

"I thought it had stopped," she muttered looking at the snow. Her shoulders straightened slightly at the other words. "Its not self pity- its self preservation; if you had half the stuff in your head that I..."

She sighed and rolled her shoulders.

"Sorry. I don't like being like this anymore than you like watching it but... even the stuff that doesn't happen - it stays there, in my head. The future may not be set in stone but once I see it... its like its happened for me; theres no going back, there's almost no difference at all."

She inhaled and exhaled slowly, because for a moment or two, she was left breathless. "So, I'm not dying? Oh shoot, and I planned a cute little funeral for myself, of course, you both would be invited and allowed to mourn over my beautiful dead body. Well, oh well." For some reason, she wanted to make both of them laugh, the girl wasn't in the mood for giving pity talks or pep talks, she was acting as her usual, sarcastic and optimistic self.

When Tesla looked at the blonde, she sighed again. "Ash, right?" The question was obviously a change of topics, and not really a smooth one. "Don't apologize, there's no need for that, you can't help it, can't you?"

Her mouth covered her mouth, to cover her snort. She enjoyed the humor that was now part of their conversation, she has had enough of depression from the Six months of horror and torture. Kaitlen gave the girl a smile, and realizes she didn't know their names. "I don't know your names, so... mine is Kaitlen Gem - I mean Grayson, though call me Kait." She had recently changed her last name, so she had to get used to it.

Ashleens snorted slightly, rolling her eyes at the girl, "And I had just the outfit all planned too; what can you do?"

She swallowed slightly and tilted her head, streching her neck slightly.

"Ashleen," she nodded head in response to the first girls question, half an introduction. She gave a defined shiver and finally seemed to realize where she was. Her vision had worn off slightly, the other girls speach having given her a slight mood uplift.

And she had finally remembered how she hated the bloody cold.

"What the hell are we doing outside. I'm freezing my ass off," she pushed herself out of the snow. "I'm going back to the castle, maybe charm a houseelf into giving me hot chocolate. You guys can stay here if you want."

With that she walked away, leaving the others to follow or not.