Starstukk

Durmstrang: Library

Seventh Year: Two Weeks to NEWTs

Kallie sat in her corner of the library, table cluttered with books, and notes. Her long blonde hair, which she had long since learned to tame - keeping it back in a tight bun or pony tail instead of letting it fly loosely around her face as she had in her younger years - was currently falling out of its grip as she flipped between books, muttering to herself as she went.

It was her last year of school. She coudln't screw up now - not now. Everything that mattered, any future, any way to get from... it all hinged on this. She. could. not. Fail. Now.

She wasn't entirely sure how long she had been sitting there - she definitely wasn't sure when the last time she ate was. But she couldn't stop now. No, no - her exhusted brain only knew one things - she was very close to unravling. If she stopped now, no longer had this to focus on then she'd snap, fall back into the abyss of panic.

And she wasn't going to do that. She refused to let herself have panic attacks anymore. That was what she had decided. It was simply a matter of keeping her head on straight.

And to do that... she needed to study.

Brock exhaled through his nose as he watched her through the shelves. Nikki had been at it for hours now, and before he would have left her, but he was pretty sure she hadn't eaten today...

Swooping in, he grabbed her around the waist with one arm and slung her over his shoulder, holding her legs so she couldn't try and decapitate him and grabbing her wand off the table and stuffing it into his pocket with his.

"Good afternoon, Nikki dear." He said cheerily, giving the librarian a nod. "Keep her stuff in order, won't you?" The librarian nodded, looking amused, and Brock kept walking, out of the library and down to the kitchens.

"What have you eaten today, Volchonka? Anything?"

Kallie, too lost in her studying to remember to do such things as keep a level control on her emotions, let out a squeal of surprise as she suddenly found herself no longer looking her notes, but a lovely view of the ground and Brock's back.

"Brock!" she called angrily, her slight fist pounding on the boys back, "Put. Me. Down. I need to-to-to my-my I have to-

"I don't have time to eat; I need to study. Study now. Eat later."

"That is absolute ridiculousness, and you know it. How will you study if you go into hypoglycemic shock?" He demanded, setting her down into a chair in the kitchens. He leveled a glare at her, firm for one of the only times in their combined lives. "Stay."

He was gone then, cooking her a meal and not letting the house elves touch anything that was to be eaten by her. She needed a specific amount of nutrients and sugars in her right now, and he wasn't about to let someone else do it on the off chance they missed something - or put something in it that she was allergic to.

He slid the plate of steaming food in front of her, dropping a fork on top of it and placing his hands on either side of the thing, his eyes boring into her.

"Eat." He snarled.

Kallie glowered, her lips turning into set pout as her eyes followed him around the room. However she did as he said; he did have a point....

She just wasn't going to admit it.

Tapping her foot restlessly she had a hard time containing herself as she had to wait. Maybe she could just... she glanced at the door and back at the older boy, maybe she could...

She continued to glower at him as the food was dropped in front of her. Without beaking eye contact she picked up the fork, and shoved a large portion into her mouth, swallowing quickly.

"There. I ate. May I go now?"

Brock's eyes narrowed dangerously and flashed amber, a growl rumbling up from his chest. The full moon was only in a few days, and she was going to test him? Really?

"Eat. It. All." He ordered. "Then you can go back to rotting away in the library." His fingers twitched. "I'll force feed it to you if I have to." And it was true. He'd done it before.

Kallie's hand twitched on the handle, as her frown deepened. She didn't missed the expression on his face.

She didn't doubt that he would - it wouldn't be the first time.

"Fine," she pouted, taking another forkful. Her eyes stayed dark as she muttered her next word between mouthfuls. "But. I. Won't. Like. It."

"You don't have to like it, Volchonka." He said, eyeing her to make sure she was actually eating all of it. Gently, he leaned over the table and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You know what happens if you don't eat. Do you want me to have another heart attack?"

He plopped into the seat across from her, sighing and crossing his arms on the table. He rested his chin on his arms and watched her plate slowly empty, glancing up at her with wide puppy-dog eyes.

"You're mad at me."

Kallie let out a breath as he kissed her forehead, her pout weakening slightly, though she was still far from looking happy.

"I would have been fine," she muttered, twirling the fork in the food. "I was going to eat... eventually."

Kallie glanced over at him; her resolve weakening ever so slightly as she caught the look on his face.

"I'm always mad at you," she said softly, her lips tweaking upwards ever so slightly, "Its just some days I'm less so then others."

"Of course you were." He said airily, relaxing as he noticed her actually eating. "But I like being dramatic."

Brock visibly perked up, much like a puppy after getting a treat. "Really?" If he'd had a tail at the moment, the boy would have wagged it. "I didn't screw something up this time?" His relaxation showed just how much the boy had actually been worried about that fact - he was realizing how used to her presence he was. The thought of losing her was starting to terrify him just as it had that day in the forest.

She stuffed some more food in her mouth, rolling her eyes as she swallowed, "Really, Pentu - I don't think thats something I have ever noticed about you."

She let her dark gaze trail over him as she watched his reaction; had she really been that upset before? That he'd actually been worried?

"Nothing you won't be able to fix at least," she teased slightly eating a little more, her pace slowing down as she got through more of the plate. "Though, if I fail because of this little break, we'll have to talk."

Brock found himself quite unable to wipe the grin off his face, his eyes softening as he took her in. "This 'not staying mad at me' thing is gonna really pay off when you go and become ruler of the world." He teased. "I won't have to worry about anything." He raised an eyebrow. "Except, you know, feeding you."

Kallie sniffed, giving the boy a mock glare, as she held her head up higher in the air, "I can feed myself, thank you very much."

"And who says I can't stay mad at you? The way you try my patience , one would think it would be only a matter of time," she wrinkled her nose teasingly and began to swirl that last little bit of food around her plate. "Besides I'm not going to "Rule the World"; I'm just going to graduate, and get a good job and... just... not-" not be like her parents.

Brock laughed. "Yes, because you did that so well just now." He teased, relaxing fully now that there was next to nothing on her plate. He waggled his eyebrows at her. "I know a few other things you're good at eating all by yourself." He teased, instinctively sliding down the bench and well out of her reach before the words were even out of his mouth.

"Meh. Graduation." He muttered. "Eh. Life." He complained, flopping his head back down onto his arms and hiding his face. "That sounds terrifying. Stop trying to scare me."

"I told you I would have gotten to it... eventually," she muttered, and she had really. At somepoint. Maybe... when the Librarian kicked her out... "Besides, it wasn't like I was feeling any symptoms yet anyways." Well... not really... she had been a little tired there but... and when wasn't she cranky?

Her own internal rationalization was intrupted by his next words. A frown darkening her face as she glared across at him, "häpeällinen."

She reached for the closest thing to her, gripping it in her hand and chucking it across to the boy who was out of reach. She didn't really bother to check what it was, her aim had always been awful. If she actually hit him...

"Honestly," she rolled her eyes, yet a there was a touch of fondness in her voice, "I don't know why I bother."

Her frown remained, this time one of slight concern as she listened to his next words.

"Brock.. you can't-you know.." she sighed and looped a lock of her hair, which was still falling out of its bun around her finger, "There's more than just this out there... have you even thought a little bit about what... you'd do... after?"

Brock caught the roll she had tossed toward him in one hand easily and brought it to his lips, taking a bite and grinning around the food. "Thank you, darling, I was starting to get hungry." He winked at her, glad he'd taken her wand back in the library.

"Because you luuuuuurve me?" He said, drawing the word out long and slow. He'd never actually said the L word before - always a substitute or slight change.

He shrugged a shoulder and ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up all over. "Figured I'd go back to the Pack and just... I dunno, do whatever they wanted." He pouted. "This is all I know how to do, and I'm not even good at it."

She rolled her eyes at him. He was lucky he still had her wand.

She glanced at him for a moment, shaking her head, and despite herself frowning ever so slightly, "Yeah... something like that." She didn't really know what was suddenly bothering her about that statement. Or well....

She did know, she just wasn't sure she wanted to admit it.

"You're smarter than you behave Brock," she said softly, "You could learn to do other things - you could..."

'stay with me' had been on the tip of her tongue, but she didn't say it. She didn't want to push it or...

Or...

"And what if the pack wants you to do something you don't want to do? Are you just going to do it anyway?"

Brock stayed silent for a long time, simmering over her words. "I suppose some of your brains must have brushed off on me somehow..." he said with a shrug. "But going as far as calling me smart proves your blind side, Nikki." He knew he wasn't smart. Everyone he'd ever met sans Kallie had told him that. He'd been held back twice, he was part monster, and he was a womanizer. He couldn't keep a girlfriend, not ever, and that's why he'd never tried. Leave it to talking about futures to make his ego wither and die.

"Yes." He said automatically. "They're my pack. I do what's best for them - what's needed - even if I don't want to."

She tilted her head, "No. It doesn't. I don't lie Brock, and I don't assume... I've seen you for... years; you don't put the effort in, thats you're only problem. If you actually tried, if you actually believed in yourself... "

"You aren't dumb, or whatever else you're thinking," she frowned. "You're just... unfocused."

She nodded her head, continuing to frown as he spoke. She bit her lip and looked at her plate as she spoke next.

"And... me?" She spoke softly, in the meakest voice she had ever used; she wasn't one for meak. She was straight forward, practical... but this? "W-what about me?"

Brock snorted. "Nikki, Nikki, Nikki... You know you're the only one who's ever believed in me. I've never was made of the stuff to do so." She rolled his shoulders and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to talk about this. Can we not...?"

His gaze snapped upward, toward her, almost smelling the change in her. "What do you mean?" He asked, blinking. "W-what about you?"

"Fine, yeah, sure," she huffed a bit, getting irritated again. She didn't understand how anyone could be so completey...

This had always been their problem. They were just so damn different - she used to try to convince herself that they managed to work around it... that they compromised somehow, but right now?

She swallowed, glancing at him for a moment before glancing at her plate. She wasn't use to feeling so... timid. She was use to being composed, in control but... that was about everything else.

This... this was about feelings and if there was one thing that Kallie had never learned how to control, it was her feelings.

"I mean... me." She shrugged her shoulders delicatly, "Do you everything about... is there maybe even a chance that... When we're all done here, and Durmstrang starts becoming a thing of a past... what about me? Am-am I going to fade with the school too? J-just another flavour of the month?"

"Just another Flavor of the Month?" He repeated dryly, looking away from her. His face had settled into an emotionless mask in a weak attempt to hide how her words hurt him. He had never once - not once - thought of her that way, never doubted how long they'd be together. It was just how it was, Brock and Kallie, Pentu and Volchonka, Veni and Nikki. If she was doubting it... really, what chance did he have?

He pushed away from the table, moving toward the shelves of food and burying himself in there, searching for something to take off the edge. With his mouth set in a grim line, he began making his usual comfort food - a gigantic, absolute monstrosity of an ice cream sundae banana split, his hands trembling. He paused half way through, his fingers curled on the edge of the counter and his shoulders hunched. He tried to get a hold on his hurt - his irrefutable fury - that was coursing through him, but it was just proving... impossible. It was hitting entirely too close to home, and with the full moon the day after tomorrow...

"You think you mean that little?" He demanded, keeping his expression well away from her view. He hated for her to see him angry.

"Thats the thing Brock," she muttered quietly, glancing up at his back. She could see the tension there, and frowned. Maybe... maybe now hadn't been the best time to bring such talk but....

When would they ever bring it up? That was just the problem... they always were.... just were. And her nature never let her feel comfortable with... just being.

"I don't know what to think. Everything that you do... it makes me think - I believe that I am important, or special or... whatever I am supposed to be but..."

She frowned again, shaking her head.

"You never say it; you never say anything... you can't even tell me- I just can't help but think, wonder... if I'm supposed to mean... anything why can't you say it?"

Brock let out a bark of a laugh, self mocking and short. "I tell you not to let me fall, and what do you do? You throw me." He said softly, closing his eyes. "What do you want to hear, Volchonka? I always thought actions speak louder than words." He ran a hand through his hair as he concluded making his sundae, dumping the entire container of chocolate sauce on top and grabbing a spoon. He picked the massive thing up with on hand and set it on the table before her, sliding in behind it and stuffing his face so he wouldn't have to talk anymore. This was starting to get... dangerous. He didn't like it. He didn't like where it was going.

His hand had slipped into his pocket for the briefest of seconds, and he glanced up at her, his mouth full of ice cream, a spoon half out of his mouth, and his heart in his eyes.

Then he looked away, continuing his speed-comfort-eating with his hand curled into a slight fist on the table beside the bowl.

A slow grim smile spread across her face as she recongnized the words... funny how you can say so many things in a day, and forget them, and yet somethings, some moments... stick right in your mind.

"You would know about that," she muttered, her lips pulling up in an attempt to tease, but it fell flat even to her own ears.

She looked at his food and watched him eat unseeingly, her mind swirling, at work. She could already feel a bit of her control unravelling, her pulse was starting to flow quicker through her veins, but she didn't want to focus on that. She wanted to continue... to pretend...

"But the problem is... what if I'm miss reading the actions? W-what if I'm just seeing what I want to see? What-what if I'm being too too emotion, to irrational that-that I can see... that I can't know," her voice was starting to shake, as her breath began to quiver.

It was her turn to get up from the table, turn her back, hide her face. She had thought she'd be able to handle, thought that she could keep it back... but the least she could do now it keep it hidden.

For it was too late to stop it. The panic had already set in.