this is love, war and pure insanity

The wind was blowing heavily, though Frodo found the weather to be pleasant. Not that he was concerned about the climate really, but considering what had occurred a few days back, this was indeed a relived feeling. A part of him was not surprised by the turn of events, there was only so much he could handle without collapsing every now and then. And the same time, he wished he hadn't been so rash in his actions. It was highly unlikely of him.

So was causing injury to himself, even if it was indeed accidental.

The wrapped cloth around his head was beginning to give him a headache now and then, though the woman who had healed him had informed him it would only last for a while. He merely remembered the blood falling, the shouting and the pouring rain. And unluckily for him, he hadn't even spared himself his hands.

The Hitrost subconsciously reached for the scar across his left cheek as he continued walking aimlessly, a deep gash indicating that the mark was recent. Everything was spiralling out of control, and that scar was the least of his worries. Finally, his legs gave away and he ended up on the ground, in a near sitting position.

Frodo wanted to run away once more. But where would he go?

Kait refused to acknowledge the fact that she was avoiding of thinking him. Avoiding crosses paths with him. Kait hasn't been in Port Durmstrang in days, ever since the fight. The ex-hrabrost hoped that he grabbed her journal, and read a few entries at least. So they next time they met, he understood a bit better, and they won't fight.

Striding around the city park, relishing the wind and sharp bite of the rain. It provided the state of mind she needed to be in right now. For days now she had been distracting herself with Holender affairs, until she got into a fight with her grandmother. Kait ended up throwing her pureblood ring at the old woman. Kait still had access to the Holender vaults- but she was pretty sure she wasn't allowed to handle the affairs of the sates.

She saw a crouched figure, and immediately knew that is was Frodo. Staring at him, he looked injured. Anger rose at whoever injured Frodo. Walking over to him, Kait was glad that she decided to wear muggle cloths today. She looked a lot like her old self- just without the red hair.

Brushing off her neon green jeans, she sat across from him and frowned. "What happened?" Concern glowed in her brown eyes.

The Hitrost didn't need to look up to find out who it was. He knew the person like the back of his hand, she was his other half after all. He didn't know how long it had been since he last saw her. Of course, he had completely lost it after that incident and hence the reason he was currently hurt.

Glancing at Kait, he shrugged his shoulders, "I hurt myself. Not intentionally, but more of it by chance. I think my frustration and anger claimed me this time. Sad really, I usually have a better grip on my feelings." He raised an eyebrow at her concerned voice, but then sighed. "Do not worry, alright? I'll heal soon," he muttered and waved one of his bandaged hand dismissively.

"Here is your journal, by the way," Frodo told softly, and reached into his jacket, handing it to her. "I know you dropped it on purpose, not sure why though." He was not sure if he was meant to have read it, but he did.

Guilt clutched at her heart, knowing that it was her fault. If she hadn't ran away, if she hadn't fought with Frodo and gave in... he wouldn't be hurt. He wouldn't have an scar on his cheek. Biting her lip, she raised an hand to brush his hair away, but it quickly fell. Frodo wasn't hers anymore.

"I hate the fact that your hurt," The half blood whispered to him. "That you might have a scar now, on your cheek." Gray Moon slithered towards them, hissing about the cursed rain that was softly falling. Kait forced a smile and waved her wand, causing a bubble to appear around the gray snake, protecting her from the rain. "Lilith is at my apartment," She told Frodo. "She's an young snake so I wasn't going to risk her health."

Kait glanced at the journal, then to the handsome face of his. "Did you read it?" The brunette wasn't going to accept the journal if he didn't read it.

On seeing the brunette's expression, Frodo wished he hadn't told her. "A guilty conscience is not a good thing Kaitlen," he murmured with a half smile. However, the smile quickly faded and he nearly he caught his breath as she nearly touched his hair. He did not know whether to be disappointed or relieved at her withdrawal.

His voice told him it was the former, but he chose to ignore that.

"It's nothing to hate, it's not your fault," he remarked, and once again shrugged his shoulders. "It would have been worse I suppose, but it is just a little damage. Besides, I thought you would like scars on a guy," he said, a tone of dry humour in his voice. He grinned lightly at Gray Moon before nodding his head. "Glad that you're taking care of her."

Frodo was surprised by the girl's question, yet he knew then what the answer was. "I did actually," he admitted and placed the book on her lap. "But I sort of wish I hadn't."

He wasn't sure what to make of things written, or if the words were completely true and he was terrified to think of what the outcome would be regarding the written words.

"It won't make a difference," She whispered, her black heels digging into the ground. She shifted her foot a bit so the dagger wouldn't dig into her skin. "I have enough guilt- I don't see one more making a difference." The Brunette sighed as his faded smile. "I have no idea how to act anymore," She mumbled. Or how to stay away.

"Little damage?" She echoed, blinking. "Frodo, having no scars on you means that you didn't go through hardships. Sure, they are sexy and all," Kait blushed a bit at this, thinking that Frodo was already drop dead sexy, "but the meaning behind them ain't that great."

The ex-Hrabrost smiled fondly at the snake. Gray Moon slithered up Frodo, enjoying the body heat the male radiated. "They are beauties I must admit." Sadness glistened in her eye though, when she remembered Liath.

"I don't know why I act the way I do," Kait mumbled, clutching at the diary with all her might. "Every time I try to figure it out, I just... get so confused. And when I am confused, I get angry. I, well, lash out." The Greek shook her head a bit.

Kait suddenly looked at him with fire in her eyes. "But I am going to confront my fears. I guess I should start there." She gave him a shaky nod, and took in a deep breath. "I am going to visit Greece sometime."

"Of course it makes a difference," Frodo murmured whispered, looking at the brunette. "Especially since there's nothing for you to feel guilty about; what's done is done Kaitlen, just let it go." He shook his head at her admission, "I do not know how to act or what to say either. Then again, I was obviously not good enough with words."

He chuckled softly at her blush and comment, "A little hardship is good anyway, right? Besides, I probably deserve this for what I was trying to do anyway. But it'll be fine, I'll get better soon."

You're not supposed to care for me, then why now? He thought.

Frodo stroked the snake gently and asked amusedly, "She really likes me, huh?" He couldn't imagine why though, he was nothing special. Yet, Gray Moon seemed to have a soft spot for him.

"It's alright Kaitlen," he assured and realized with a startling thought that it indeed was okay. "You'll figure it out, you just need time. And even though you don't need me, I'm here to help."

"You're what?" He questioned in shock. "B-But that's-" Before he said anything else, Frodo caught himself. "Alright, if you really want to, then I suppose you should go," he told quietly.

The Hitrost wasn't going to voice his concerns anymore. After all, he had no right to interfere in her choices and even if he did, she wouldn't listen.

"Yes there is! I am causing your pain, and frustration. If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't be injured." Kait's eyes flashed with stubbornness. It was partly her fault for this, and she wasn't going to let anyone tell her no.

Kait frowned and fiddled with her thumbs. "Why would you deserve it?" She questioned him, upset. Frodo didn't deserve anything like that. Not in her world. "Physically," She corrected him. "But mentally? Both of us are mostly fine physically. But..." Kait shook her head. Sighing, she glanced at him.

Gray Moon gave a snake version of a snort. "Silly Boy," She hissed, flickering her tongue against his skin. "You are warm. You are a good human." Kait smiled at the snakes logic and shook her head. "She says that you are warm, and you are a good human. So she likes you." Gray Moon glanced at Kait with a stern look. "If you ever hurt him again, I will bite you." Blushing, Kait ducked her head a bit. "I promise," She hissed back.

The ex-hrabrost stared at Frodo and realized that his words was the truth. He wasn't lying. He meant them. Smiling softly, she gave into her temptation, she gave him a hug, careful to avoid the hissing snake. "I need you. Don't say that I don't."

She sighed, and blew her hair out of her face. "I..." Kait hesitated and continued. "Idon'twanttogoalone," She mumbled quietly, blushing.

"You're not the only one causing me pain, so believe me when I say I would have hurt myself anyway," he told quietly, avoiding her gaze. "I'm over it, I feel a little better than I did in weeks or months. It's just the headache that's killing me," he smiled weakly.

He shrugged his shoulders in response, "For making you upset, for not being a good son maybe, ignoring everything that's been going on..." In his opinion, he was sure the stress of it all would have got to him, even with or without Kait. "I'm fine mentally, thank you very much," he pointed out lightly and shook his head.

"Well, thanks for that Gray Moon, I'll keep that in mind. And just so you know, you're my favourite," the Hitrost chuckled and continued to stroke the snake gently. He knew that Kait wished Liath could be here as well, and truth be told it made him sad to think about it. After all, she had had both the snakes for a long time, ever since they were younger.

Frodo instinctively wrapped his arms around the brunette without a moment's hesitation and let go reluctantly. "I need you too," was all he said in response.

His eyebrows knitted in confusion, "Oh, so you asked Iris to go with you? That's good, really." He actually did think it was and was relieved that she wouldn't be alone at least this time. "So when are you leaving, then?"

"But... I'm still causing you pain," Kait whispered. But Kait could tell that Frodo will remain stubborn. He was just that way- and Kait would never change any part of him for the world. Frodo was hers. Even if the reasons she started dating him wasn't for love, or liking him like him with her, She loved him. And she knew this since third year. The brunette picked up his hand, and rubbed it with her fingers.

Kait still felt the spark- the one that always happened with he touched her.

"Making... me upset?" She echoed incredulously. He seriously thought he made her upset? "Frodo, I made myself upset. I couldn't heal myself, so I had to resort to desperate measures to do so." Kait bit her lip, and clenched her hands on her knees. "Your step-father doesn't deserve you! Damn it Frodo, no one is good enough for you!" Kait stood up suddenly, running her fingers through her hair. "Just..." She gave him one, long desperate look. "Just try to see how good, and amazing you are o.k.?"

Kait chuckled at Gray Moons obvious joy at recieving those compliments. Some things never change, She mused, watching the interaction between them. Gray Moon and Frodo will always have that special bond. And I will always love Frodo.

"Ohmygosh Frodo." Kait stared at him, and started laughing. It was odd to laugh again. Wiping away the tears that appeared from the laughing, she continued. "If I took Iris with me, she will murder that woman. No... I'd rather take you." Kait set a firm look on the boy that she loved so much.

Time to be confident. Not a coward.

"Will you go with me?"

Gazing into the brunette's eyes, Frodo couldn't help but reach over and cup her right cheek. "You did before, but not anymore," he whispered back, his thumb stroking the skin under her eyes. "And though I am terrified right now, I can never stop loving you Kaitlen, that's a promise." He could never understand or make her happy enough. They were too far of opposites. She deserved the best in the world and he clearly hadn't been able to give it to her.

His grip on her hand tightened, their fingers interwining. Gosh, he had missed her touch so much.

The Hitrost looked at Kait in surprise at her outburst. "No one is good enough for me?" He echoed with a shake of his head. He pulled her into his lap and hugged her tight. "Don't say that," he smiled sadly. "Don't say that I can't find anyone worthy of me, because that would mean I'm going to be alone forever. I already found that person though, and even if we never get back together, I know for a fact I'm not alone in this world."

If he was surprised before, it was nothing compared to what he felt now. But at the same time, he couldn't ignore the sound of her laughter. It had been far too long since he heard it. He hoped she had laughed and smiled for real while she was away. "Y-You want t-to take me? But I thought..."

The last time he had suggested the idea, she had opposed strongly. "I would love to," he said after a moment's hesitation. "But why now? Why all of a sudden it has to be me?"

Kait leaned into the hand with closed eyes. She pressed his forehead against his, breathing in and out slowly. As much as she loved those lips against hers, Kait didn't want them right now. She wanted to show Frodo that she loved him in not just a physical way. That she loved him- every feature and personality trait he had. "I love you," She started, fingers tracing his collarbones. "I love that you are the kindest man alive- but you could still put up a fight. I love that you are strong, in so many ways. I love that you can love me still, even after all I have done." Kait went on, to describe everything she could think of that she loved about him.

Kait was hurt at the fact that he thought they couldn't get back together. She completely understood that she had hurt him. But couldn't he understand that she made a mistake, and won't ever do it again? Biting her tongue to prevent her thoughts being voiced, Kait took apart some blades of grass.

"Because your my strength of course," Kait told him, smiling. A breeze went by and lifted up her hair a little. "Because I wouldn't want Lora anywhere near that woman, and Iris would just kill her. And because... you will always be my first choice."

A genuine smile crossed his lips, and his eyes lit up a little. "I love you too," he repeated with a shake of his head. "I am not as strong as you, but that's okay, I still would not want to change myself. Especially if it means you want me just as I am." Kaitlen truly was his everything. Other than her and Monae, he had nothing to lose in this world. Nobody would care for him like they did.

His eyes closed of their own accord at the touch of the brunette's and Frodo's grip on her tightened. "I want to be with you more than anything, but unless you are sure what you want, I can't be with you," he told softly. "You need to decide whether I'm good enough to be in whatever life you're leading."

"What if you regret taking me there?" The Hitrost asked, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and laying his head on hers. "Maybe taking your sister will be the best choice, she's family after all."

More importantly, she can protect you, he thought.

"Your stronger than me in some ways, while I'm stronger than you in some ways." Kait felt like she could soar through the skies without no problem. He told her he loved her- and he was smiling. A true smile. Deciding to take a bold step, she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his shoulder. Kait wasn't the cuddly type of person -Frodo knew that- but Kait will always cuddle with Frodo. His arms was a safe haven for her. If he hugged her, he accepted her.

Gray Moon watched from a rock near by, coiled up. Kait looked up at him and bit her lip. "Frodo... does it matter about the outside?" She questioned, Arkadi's damands repeating in her head. Why did Arkadi want her to permanently change her looks? Just so Kait break her chains from the pureblood world? "I won't be that Holender person again," She vowed. "I will be Kait again, but not in looks. In able for me to break my chains, I have to... I have to let Arkadi suppress the appearance genes I got from my mother." The ex-Hrabrost closed her eyes, biting her lip. "My glamour look was how I am supposed to look without my mothers gene in there."

Kait laid a hand on his cheek, stroking the skin. "I won't regret it, Frodo. I swear." Hesitating at first, she placed a kiss on his forehead, blinking away tears. "As much as I hate my mother, I don't want to know that her death is my fault."

There was some parts of Kait that still loved her mother.

The Hitrost's arms around Kait's shoulders tightened and he buried his face in her hair as she hugged him back. The smile never left his lips; he was enjoying this closure between them too much. It felt like years since they had held each other, though he knew it was only a few months. By her actions, he could tell that she had missed her as well and the thought only made him want her even more.

"I need you Kaitlen, I need you so much that it hurts."

As soon as the words were out of the brunette's mouth, Frodo wanted to object. He wanted all of the previous Kait back, because her looks had defined who she was. But then again, she was not that same girl she was before, was she? She had changed, for the better mostly, but still a change. Deep down, he knew he really did not care how she looked and it would take him a while to get used to it. Yet, there was something more big and important at stake.

"If it means that you will get to be free, then no, it does not matter from the outside," he told quietly with a shake of his head and gave her a reassuring smile.

Frodo reached over and held the brunette's cheeks, surprised by her kiss and unable to move. "What would you say to her? What if she tries to hurt you again?" He murmured, his eyes showcasing the worry he felt.

Smiling softly, her fingers traced his chin, pressing her forehead against his again. Their lips was so close-enough for her heart to race from anticipation. Kait wanted Frodo so much. It was a torture. A drug that she was addicted too. It would either kill her or not- and she really didn't care. One hand crept around his neck and stroked the skin of the back of his neck. No words was needed. Her message was obvious.

"Thank you," She whispered quietly. "It will still be me, I guess. Same genes, sort of the same looks. Same voice. Just some looks suppressed and new looks." Kait gave him a hesitant smile. "I'm not easy to be with huh?" Kait knew how hard it was for Frodo. With her ever changing mind, her personality, she was no walk in the park.

She slowly blinked at him, with a tiny smile. The answer was so obvious. "I have you don't I?"

(FIRST POST OF 2013 )

There was so much that Frodo wanted to say, but he didn't know how to. Breathing in deeply, he locked his gaze on his girl's and leaned forward to capture her lips in a kiss. One of his hand wound in her hair and he deepened the kiss. It was intoxicating, like something uncontrollable and he never wanted it to stop. "I love you Kaitlen," he murmured against his lips, giving her one more kiss.

"It's alright, looks do not matter," he assured her with a small chuckle. "As long as I get you back all to myself, I do not care how you look. We've come too far for me to judge you on such things. Something like looks will not drive me away," he stated with a smile. "No, you are filled with complications, but I wouldn't have it any other way," he teased and kissed the top of her head. "Otherwise, you'd be just like every other girl."

"What if I am not enough? Like before?"

Kait half closed her eyes in pleasure as his lips touched hers. They both wanted it. They both missed this. This was her drug- not the ones her mother sold and did. His kisses was a healthy drug if it made sense. Moving her lips with his, her nails dug into his neck as she responded. "You have no idea," Kait gasped, fingers tracing patterns on his chest. "how I missed hearing you say that."

"Even if I pierce every inch of my face and tattoo my body?" Kait slyly asked, laughing. Kait wanted more tattoos, but not her whole body. Though Kait was against piercings except ones in her ears. Something about putting holes in her body was not appealing. "Any other girl would be a lot less dangerous," Kait murmured quietly, still tracing patterns on his chest. She yearned to feel his skin on his chest, but she kept her desires back.

"You were enough, always have been," Kait corrected, looking into his eyes. "I just didn't have the strength to fight, and I succumb to the prospect of running away."

Frodo's grip on the brunette tightened and nearly let out a growl at her touch behind his neck. "And you have no idea how much I missed saying it to you," he murmured, his kisses only deepening at every word. Both his hands dug into her hair and pushed her closer to him, but even that wasn't enough. He felt a man dying of thirst, and she was his remedy.

"Piercings and tattoos? Not so much," he said with a grin and shook his head. "But really, you can do whatever you want to your looks, it still would not stop me from wanting you." Frodo just smiled softly at her logic, "I like being with the thrill. Honestly Kait, I am not surprised much that I fell for you and but it astounds me every single day how you could want an average, quiet guy like me." His hand rested on her neck, stroking the skin there and placed kiss. Her touches were nearly driving him crazy.

Looking into Kait's eyes, he understood. "If you are really sure you want me to go, I will." He promised "And I will do my best to protect you, even though you don't need it."

Allowing herself to be pressed against his body, Kait nuzzled Frodo's neck, and thought about a song she had been listening for a while. Hesitating, Kait started singing some of the lines. Kait never really liked singing in front of people, she has been told she had a pretty voice, and always felt a bit insecure singing in front of Frodo for some reason.

"I don't need a parachute
Baby, if I've got you
Baby, if I've got you
I don't need a parachute
You're gonna catch me
You're gonna catch if I fall
Down, down, down"

Smiling brightly, Kaitlen felt happiness overtake her body. Frodo and Kait was finally getting along, and talking to each other about being together. Peacefully. "I'm getting more tattoos," Kait told him brightly. "I'm getting a raven on my wrist. And I am getting something with Gray Moon and Lilth." Exposing her neck more so he can continue his actions, the ex-Hrabrost murmured, "Someone has to tame and control the fire."

"I will always need protection Frodo, just from invisible enemies." She shook her head quietly in quiet wonder how she managed to get a man like this.


The Song

The Hitrost just smiled softly as he listened to the lyrics the brunette was singing. He was sort of amazed she thought of him as something as important as her parachute, and though a part of him felt like protesting, he knew maybe he indeed was that important to her. "You know you can sing well, right?" He asked quietly, his tone teasing. "I love it, and I'm glad you think of me like that."

"Please make sure you don't ruin your face with tattoos though," he commented and grinned once more. "I happen to like it just the way. And the tattoo of Gray Moon and Lilith I can't wait to see." He placed both his hands on her neck, rubbing her skin there softly and placed a kiss on her forhead. "I've never been good at taming, and that is not something I would want to do to you," he shook his head. "Honestly Kaitlen, all I ever want for is for you to listen to me once in a while," he whispered, his gaze lowered.

His fingers trailed her arms and he kissed her lips. "I'm here for whatever protection you need," he promised again and gave her a fond smile.

"With you playing your guitar, I'm sure that my voice will be prettier," Kait teased back, stroking the skin on his arm. Feeling very bold, she crawled onto his lap, smiling softly. "I always have Frodo, even if I didn't realize it or not." She started humming the melody to the song, as she pressed her ear against his chest. With his tall figure, and her short one, she didn't have to try to hard to get her ear low enough to listen to his heartbeat.

"I'm not sure where I will get the tattoos," Kait admitted, and held out her arm as Lilith slithered to her. The young snake wrapped herself around Kait's arm. She smiled gently at her snake, almost with a mother-like gaze. Since Kait had Lilith since Lilith has been hatched, the brunette treated the snake almost as if Lilith was her child. In her mind though, Lilith was her child.

She gave Frodo an amused look. "Believe it or not, you have tamed me a little. Probably for the greater good honestly. I'd probably be arrested by now. I'm not kidding." Sighing, Kait kissed the top of his nose. "I'll try. I try now, to listen to you. To everybody honestly." She smiled sheepishly. "Something about my personality caused me to not listen to people very well."

"Well, we will have to test that out one day, won't we?" The Hitrost asked with a grin, his hand still tracing patterns on her neck. He rested his cheek on top of her head and smiled as he felt her hum the song. When was the last time he had felt so content and peaceful? He felt like he already had everything, with Kait in his arms and all he wanted to do was keep her here forever.

He said nothing as he watched the interaction betweem the brunette and her snake. It was amazing that she had such a special bond with these creatures, something most people would do anything to have. If he ever had kids with her, he wondered if she would choose the snakes instead.

"A little is better than nothing," Frodo nodded his head. "Though I'm sure you would have taken care of yourself after a while." He placed a kiss on her forehead once more, "That's all I've wanted; for you to just try rather than not do it completely." Sure, he preferred if she listened, but sometimes, just trying was enough for him.